https://forum.royalnavy.mod.uk/topics/health-and-wellbeing/domestic-abuse/en-USTelligent Community 12https://forum.royalnavy.mod.uk/topics/health-and-wellbeing/domestic-abuse/b/announcements/posts/free-travel-for-those-fleeing-domestic-abuseThu, 17 Oct 2024 14:18:00 GMTb28a645c-0ea2-4600-866f-e043a0fddeae:4e95ad64-c93b-4cc6-b95d-e86bb1c213eaRN Forum ModeratorTravel to Refuge is an umbrella scheme in which travel companies cover the cost of train or coach tickets for women, men and children escaping domestic abuse travelling to refuge accommodation. It’s made up of two schemes: Rail to Refuge , a joint initiative between Women’s Aid and the Rail Delivery Group, set up in April 2020, providing free rail travel for survivors of abuse. Road to Refuge, a joint initiative between Women’s Aid and National Express, set up in 2023, providing free coach travel for survivors of abuse. Women's Aid Website: Travel to Refugehttps://forum.royalnavy.mod.uk/topics/health-and-wellbeing/domestic-abuse/b/announcements/posts/what-support-is-there-for-service-families-facing-domestic-abuseFri, 01 Dec 2023 16:06:00 GMTb28a645c-0ea2-4600-866f-e043a0fddeae:bdc22d1e-58fa-429a-aa76-a39732b2a090RN Forum ModeratorFind out about the domestic abuse support available for Service families. As part of the 16 days of activism against gender-based violence campaign, Defence is encouraging anyone affected by domestic abuse to ask for help and to be aware of the different ways to get support. Armed forces families play a crucial role in Defence and should feel safe and supported. When it comes to domestic abuse, there are many support services available to them – both within Defence and at a local and national level . To help more people get the help they need, it’s also important to understand what might be stopping them from seeking support. There are multiple and very valid reasons as to why domestic abuse victims-survivors can be reluctant to ask for support, particularly in close knit Defence communities. Most victims-survivors live with their abuser, some aren’t aware that they are being abused, and others might fear the repercussions of seeking support. There are also many who don’t know about the support that exists. Breaking down some of these barriers Lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender + people may face more barriers to getting support, including discrimination and fears about disclosing their sexuality. Galop is a national LGBT domestic abuse charity that offers confidential, emotional support and information. Men might not reach out to support services as they might think it’s for women only, or they may worry that they won’t be taken seriously. Anyone can be a victim of domestic abuse, and everyone in the Defence community will be supported and treated with respect. Armed forces support exists on many levels In a military context, there can be a perception that support services are only for the Service person and not the whole family. As explained below, many support services also help armed forces family members. Service families can receive initial support and signposting from unit support staff, who understand the dynamics of abuse and have knowledge of local support services. Specialist welfare support refers to the Army Welfare Service, Naval Service Family and People Support, and the RAF Personal Support and Social Work Service. These services are confidential and independent of the Chain of Command. For a list of services and contact details, visit GOV.UK. These specialist welfare services provide a variety of support to Service personnel and their families, including making referrals to external specialist services. There is also support for those who recognise their behaviour is abusive and want to change. Armed forces family members can report domestic abuse to Service Police. The Victim Witness Care Unit then provides support to victims-survivors of domestic abuse during their journey through the Service Justice System. To find out what happens when a report of domestic abuse is made to the Service Police, read the Service Police’s leaflet . Not sure what support you need? The support services mentioned can help victims-survivors to find out what kind of support they need and can help with planning next steps. A list of support services and contact details, inside and outside of Defence, can be found in the JSP 913: Whole Force Policy on Domestic Abuse . These support services have skilled staff in place who understand the significant challenges that victims-survivors face in reaching out for support and the courage required to do this. So, if you have any questions about the support options available within Defence or need further information, contact the MOD Safeguarding policy team: People-AFFS-Safeguarding-Mailbox@mod.gov.uk Useful links: Domestic abuse – how and where to get help Domestic abuse support and guidance for the armed forces community Domestic abuse support organisations and external charitieshttps://forum.royalnavy.mod.uk/topics/health-and-wellbeing/domestic-abuse/b/announcements/posts/the-red-chair-projectWed, 29 Nov 2023 11:27:00 GMTb28a645c-0ea2-4600-866f-e043a0fddeae:92d95b75-3f11-4209-a4b3-75a71c283d6aRN Forum ModeratorWould you like to take part in the Red Chair Project? The Red Chair Project is a campaign that runs each year during the UN's 16 Days of Activism Against Gender-Based Violence. It involves reserving an empty chair in a public place, alongside information about domestic abuse and violence against women. The empty chair acts as a powerful symbol of the many women who've been killed through gender-based violence - women who should still be with us today. If you would like to get involved and take part, more details can be found here: The Red Chair Projecthttps://forum.royalnavy.mod.uk/topics/health-and-wellbeing/domestic-abuse/b/announcements/posts/is-it-abuse---forces-intervention-programmeMon, 09 Oct 2023 04:13:00 GMTb28a645c-0ea2-4600-866f-e043a0fddeae:65ba3919-49e1-4a88-85b7-343c9afb7e6fRN Forum ModeratorYou may be aware of the domestic abuse charity FearFree (formerly Splitz and FearLess). The charity has worked with Forces families in Wiltshire for many years. They have now obtained funding from the Armed Forces Covenant Fund Trust to run a Forces Intervention Programme, which is aimed at supporting Service Personnel and Veterans who live or work in Wiltshire. They offer a free course to those who exhibit abusive behaviour, in order that they can change. This Programme is endorsed by MOD and the three Services. It is likely to feature in the new MOD Domestic Abuse Strategy, to be released later this year. We are very keen to see this Programme develop as a way of helping those who may be concerned about their behaviour and its effect on their family, and it could potentially form the basis for a wider MOD Perpetrator Strategy in due course. forum.royalnavy.mod.uk/.../1.-Forces-Intervention-programme-Flyer-_2800_FIP_2900_.pdfhttps://forum.royalnavy.mod.uk/topics/health-and-wellbeing/domestic-abuse/b/announcements/posts/uk-government-emergency-alert-service-need-to-knowTue, 04 Apr 2023 19:19:00 GMTb28a645c-0ea2-4600-866f-e043a0fddeae:2c6b8564-24af-4f1a-86d8-30444c9f72b8RN Forum ModeratorOn Sunday 23 April, the UK government is testing an emergency alert service that will cause mobile phones to sound an alarm. For any victim or survivor of domestic abuse with a hidden phone, the sounding of that alarm could be dangerous. The alert will sound even if the phone is in silent mode. Watch the video created by Refuge which includes instructions on how to disable these alerts. If you’re afraid of your partner the Refuge helpline team are available to support you. You can call them for free 24 hours a day on 0808 2000 247, or live chat with them Monday-Friday, 3-10pm by going to nationaldahelpline.org.uk. They have information on securing your devices – for example your location settings or privacy settings Refuge: Website: https://refuge.org.uk/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/RefugeCharity Twitter: https://twitter.com/RefugeCharityhttps://forum.royalnavy.mod.uk/topics/health-and-wellbeing/domestic-abuse/b/announcements/posts/mod-defense-women-s-network-event---the-road-to-recovery---surviving-domestic-abuseFri, 18 Nov 2022 20:38:00 GMTb28a645c-0ea2-4600-866f-e043a0fddeae:6845f310-7939-4308-bb05-d50229cf0b86RN Forum ModeratorSign up here to attend on 8th DECEMBER 0930 to 1030https://forum.royalnavy.mod.uk/topics/health-and-wellbeing/domestic-abuse/m/galleryThu, 31 Mar 2022 19:26:00 GMTb28a645c-0ea2-4600-866f-e043a0fddeae:08e193ff-2058-40fd-ab00-cd241d50bab5https://forum.royalnavy.mod.uk/topics/health-and-wellbeing/domestic-abuse/m/resourcesThu, 31 Mar 2022 19:26:00 GMTb28a645c-0ea2-4600-866f-e043a0fddeae:ae237974-f1d0-48ce-af17-ee0560af566ehttps://forum.royalnavy.mod.uk/topics/health-and-wellbeing/domestic-abuse/b/announcementsThu, 31 Mar 2022 19:25:00 GMTb28a645c-0ea2-4600-866f-e043a0fddeae:ebd50794-9925-4047-8e05-83c5ba36373ehttps://forum.royalnavy.mod.uk/topics/health-and-wellbeing/domestic-abuse/f/forumThu, 31 Mar 2022 19:25:00 GMTb28a645c-0ea2-4600-866f-e043a0fddeae:60abcd91-a808-41d4-8a3c-407e18629aa0https://forum.royalnavy.mod.uk/topics/health-and-wellbeing/domestic-abuse/Thu, 31 Mar 2022 19:23:00 GMTb28a645c-0ea2-4600-866f-e043a0fddeae:ec619f6d-42ea-4487-96d1-8d2e08cf6e4chttps://forum.royalnavy.mod.uk/topics/health-and-wellbeing/domestic-abuse/b/announcements/posts/domestic-abuse---understanding-different-types-of-support-availableFri, 10 Dec 2021 11:56:00 GMTb28a645c-0ea2-4600-866f-e043a0fddeae:fcf7d3dc-e44a-4ead-866d-b6f9bb0695bbRN FPS HQSexual Assault Referral Centres (SARCs) info SARCs can be accessed by anyone who is a victim/survivor of sexual assault or abuse. However, the NHS notes that awareness that these services exist is still low and they are keen to increase that awareness across the population. This document contains information about what a SARC is, what you can expect when you attend a SARC, and links to further information.AssaultsexualDomestic Abusehttps://forum.royalnavy.mod.uk/topics/health-and-wellbeing/domestic-abuse/b/announcements/posts/further-support---mankindThu, 09 Dec 2021 18:41:00 GMTb28a645c-0ea2-4600-866f-e043a0fddeae:c448df02-8f19-4e46-bb94-aa65802b4f09RN FPS HQThere are many organisations that specialise in supporting those who are or have been in an abusive relationship. Attached is a leaflet from ManKind who specialise in male support as well as links to other organisations that specialise in supporting those from specific communities; abuse is experience d differently by every individual survivor although some communities may experience very particular forms of abuse. Regardless of any personal characteristic – there are no excuses for domestic abuse. Support services - Galop the LGBT+ anti-abuse charity - Galop Ashiana Sheffield | Get Help and SupportAshiana Sheffield Stay Safe East | Stay Safe East – Tel or SMS/Text: 07865 340 122 (staysafe-east.org.uk) Overview - Nepali Domestic And Sexual Abuse Project - NHS (www.nhs.uk)Domestic Abusemankindmanhttps://forum.royalnavy.mod.uk/topics/health-and-wellbeing/domestic-abuse/b/announcements/posts/domestic-abuse---safety-planning-for-survivorsThu, 09 Dec 2021 11:20:00 GMTb28a645c-0ea2-4600-866f-e043a0fddeae:31c3e6ae-5266-414e-a706-26b41779ece6RN FPS HQAurora New Dawn, who currently provide advocacy support to the Armed Forces, provide some tips in this document regarding things to consider as part of a ‘safety plan’. Safety Planning for Survivors living with their abuser in self-isolation This document is for: · Anyone currently in self-isolation and living with or worried about an abusive partner · Line managers, colleagues or friends of someone who is living with an abusive partner Things to think about... If you’re having a conversation with a friend who is experiencing abuse, ask them to think about the following questions. Or, if you’re living with an abusive partner, ask yourself these questions: · What is their usual pattern of abuse? Is it worse when kids are around? Or when they’re not around? · What are your major concerns? What do you think are the risks and what are you scared about the most? · Will not working be a compounding factor? For example are you likely to experience financial abuse, or are they likely to turn to substance abuse? · What will be their likely response to self-isolation? Will this increase the sexual violence / coercive control / degradation that you experience? · If their abuse does escalate, how can the people supporting you measure and be guided by this with you? · Do you think they have software on your IT? Listening devices? Cameras in the home etc.? If so please use Aurora Stalking services for stalking advice and safety planning. Ideas for safety: · Can you still get out of the house, as per normal safety plan, if they kick off? · Since many shops and restaurants or pubs are shut plan for where you can run to or hide (for example, a neighbour, taxi rank or local park) and then call police · Have a bag packed ready to flee and try and get this taken to a friend, family member or neighbour’s place · Have a code word or sign for if you are in danger – set this up with family and friends to let them know by text, Facetime or Skype. The code will alert them to contact the police if you are in danger and need to get out. · Teach the above code to age-appropriate children. · Have money ready to flee. If necessary, Aurora New Dawn can support with this · Do you need another safe mobile? Some charities are able to help with this. · Think about how you might be able to call supportive friends or family: for example, use the fact that online shopping is very limited to go to the shops or a public toilet and make a call when alone. · Could you use a family member (someone vulnerable) as an excuse to self-isolate at their house without the person abusing you? · Have the number of a domestic violence support service ready and call them anytime – save this on your phone under a different contact name to keep it safe. National helplines · National DVA helpline - 0808 2000 247 · National Stalking helpline – 0808 802 0330 · If you need to, you can make a silent call to the police. Dial 999 – then 55 if you can’t talk – see here . DO NOT HESITATE TO CONTACT THE POLICE ON 999 in an emergency. WomensAid : plenty of online ways to access support and links to local services where you are. Refuge : likewise a source of support and advice including links to local services if you need them. The Male Survivors Partnership – for men experiencing domestic abuse: 0808 800 5005 The Mankind Initiative – an alternative helpline for men being abused by a current or former partner: 01823 334244 · GALOP – for support for LGBT people experiencing abuse: 0800 999 5428 Information provided by Aurora New Dawn.abuseDomestic Abusedomestichttps://forum.royalnavy.mod.uk/topics/health-and-wellbeing/domestic-abuse/b/announcements/posts/domestic-abuse---survivors-story---seeking-support---reaching-out-to-talk-to-peopleWed, 08 Dec 2021 18:19:00 GMTb28a645c-0ea2-4600-866f-e043a0fddeae:6fbeb54e-9ccf-44f8-9faa-88318cdc1381RN FPS HQThe 16 days of action campaign team have been supported by real survivors of domestic abuse from within Defence to help spread awareness that this is something that affects our people, and to champion their voices in sharing their experiences so that people can understand through this first-hand insight. This story focuses on one individuals ‘tipping point’ that led them to seek support. I once read that someone may experience around 35 incidents of domestic abuse before reporting it, or seeking support. That may sound like a lot to those who have not experienced domestic abuse in their lives. To those who have, it may not sound like very many. I have slowly come to realise that everyone has their own individual tipping point. For some, that may be just one incident, once; for others it will be one incident, after many years. The very act of seeking support is important in its own right. It also takes bravery and courage to stay on that journey when you may feel pulled to go back to what you have known before. Seeking support is personal. Support can come in various forms. Telling a work colleague, a friend, a family member, or a complete stranger. If you have safe access to the Internet, it could be Googling support services. If you have safe access to the phone, it could be calling the Police or the Samaritans. Support may mean something different for every one of us. It may take on different forms at different stages. It may be for a short period of time, or ongoing over many months or years. After 10 years, my tipping point was another injury to one of my children. But it took months before a reasonably familiar occurrence of abuse triggered something different in me. I called the Police. They made a referral to a Safer charity support worker. Through the Army Welfare Service, I was then put in touch with the team at Aurora New Dawn. Two years later, my support journey with my children continues. Each day is a journey. If I could reach out and say anything to you, I would just say please talk to someone – anyone – so that you do not feel alone. Making ourselves vulnerable enough to talk about things can be so frightening, but being listened to and being heard is the very first step.https://forum.royalnavy.mod.uk/topics/health-and-wellbeing/domestic-abuse/b/announcements/posts/domestic-abuse---survivors-story---celebrating-survivors---disclosure-storyWed, 08 Dec 2021 11:00:00 GMTb28a645c-0ea2-4600-866f-e043a0fddeae:7ea6efd0-d6fa-44c1-88b2-6e6666ef4856RN FPS HQThe 16 days of action campaign team have been supported by real survivors of domestic abuse from within Defence to help spread awareness that this is something that affects our people, and to champion their voices in sharing their experiences so that people can understand through this first-hand insight. This story focuses on one individuals journey ‘from victim to survivor’ and describes how they have begun to find their strength again. From Victim to Survivor It took ten years for me to realise that I was a victim of domestic abuse. Things then got worse before they got better. For a while I thought that was it; that I would exist but not live and certainly never thrive again. I had lost my identity and grieved the twenty-something girl that had relished life, seized every opportunity and looked forward to fulfilling a life of realised hopes, dreams and success. My victim story is one that I am now ready to share, but that is for another day. I also have a survivor story and that is something to celebrate. As other brave survivors have shared, over the 16 Day campaign, being a victim of domestic abuse can bring stigma, it can mean you are not understood and that limiting assumptions are made about you. However, it is important that when raising awareness about domestic abuse this includes the whole story which is one of survival, resilience and restoration. I love this quote from another survivor, ‘when you lose something, you gain something.’ At the point any victim of domestic abuse recognises that they are a victim and dares to do something about it, they bravely take on a whole new level of challenge head on. Escaping an abuser is tough; it takes grit and determination beyond what many people could ever realise. It can be a long, very lonely and even more abusive road without any clear ending in sight. If there is a requirement to involve the courts to address financial or child matters then it is also financially crippling. The resilience, empathy and depth of character that a survivor develops is not to be underestimated. The multi-faceted life that they have to juggle alongside the daily requirements of work and ‘normal’ household demands means that they have to be some of the most resourceful and organised people you will ever meet. On the days when they may not appear to be at the front or even in the middle of the pack, they are very likely single-handedly juggling more than many others would even think possible and they just get on with it. For a while I did let being a victim define me and yes, this did affect how I projected myself and made negative assumptions about how others perceived me. However, I now realise that I have transformed as a person to be a better version of that twenty-something girl. I also have a life experience that I would never have chosen but which makes me part of a very special group of people. I found a survivor network through a charity called Restored that connected me with other women like me and this really has helped to ‘restore’ me, whilst on a personal level my faith has played a vital part in this. Sharing stories with other survivors allows you to stop and reflect on just how far you and they have (all) come. I never cease to be humbled and in awe of the survivors who I have the privilege of exchanging confidences with. I have also been able to turn my experience into something positive by becoming a volunteer supporting other survivors. My final chapter to freedom is not quite finished, but it is just round the corner and not holding me back from enjoying living a fulfilling and rewarding life at home and at work, as a professional single mum with two amazing and inspiring daughters. I can’t write ‘The End’ just yet, but I don’t need to wait for that to celebrate the survivor in me.abuseDomestic Abusedomesticsupporthttps://forum.royalnavy.mod.uk/topics/health-and-wellbeing/domestic-abuse/b/announcements/posts/domestic-abuse---recognising-the-signsTue, 07 Dec 2021 18:23:00 GMTb28a645c-0ea2-4600-866f-e043a0fddeae:9211afae-e99d-4378-938a-fe6cbf0affffRN FPS HQThe 16 days of action campaign team have been supported by real survivors of domestic abuse from within Defence to help spread awareness that this is something that affects our people, and to champion their voices in sharing their experiences so that people can understand through this first-hand insight. This account focuses on some of the tell-tale signs of an abusive relationship and how a series of small little things, when added together, start to build a broader story of a ‘pattern’ of abusive behaviours.. Recognising the Signs of Domestic Abuse · Jealousy · Possessiveness · Unpredictability · A bad temper · Cruelty to animals · Verbal abuse · Controlling behaviour · Antiquated beliefs about roles of women and men in relationships · Forced sex or disregard of their partner's unwillingness to have sex · Sabotage of birth control methods or refusal to honour agreed upon methods · Blaming the victim for anything bad that happens · Sabotage or obstruction of the victim's ability to work or attend school · Controls all the finances · Abuse of other family members, children or pets · Accusations of the victim flirting with others or having an affair · Control of what the victim wears and how they act · Demeaning the victim either privately or publicly · Embarrassment or humiliation of the victim in front of others · Harassment of the victim at work · Hyper-Critical or Judgemental Towards You · Ignore Boundaries or Invade Your Privacy · Manipulative · Dismiss You and Your FeelingssignsabuseDomestic Abusedomestichttps://forum.royalnavy.mod.uk/topics/health-and-wellbeing/domestic-abuse/b/announcements/posts/domestic-abuse---a-survivors-storyTue, 07 Dec 2021 16:49:00 GMTb28a645c-0ea2-4600-866f-e043a0fddeae:6ff1a510-fd2d-4f09-a0e8-dbdc3afabf6eRN FPS HQThe 16 days of action campaign team have been supported by real survivors of domestic abuse from within Defence to help spread awareness that this is something that affects our people, and to champion their voices in sharing their experiences so that people can understand through this first-hand insight. This story focuses on the issues that may occur post-separation and shines a light on the complexities that being a parent, together with an abusive partner, can add to an already complex situation An abusive relationship is complex and develops over time. It can be a difficult and long process for a victim/survivor to begin to understand that they are in an abusive relationship and to consider seeking help. In the scenario described below the perpetrator uses physical abuse as well as controlling behaviour to isolate the victim/survivor from friends and family and to make it difficult for her to fulfil her work commitments. Whilst all elements in this scenario are based on real events this is not an actual case study. Background Service user (SU) was a serving member of the Armed Forces and was married to a former serving member of the Armed Forces (former SP) whom she met whilst they were serving together. Former SP had left in order to get married and not be in the forces after serving 22 years and was struggling with the adjustment to civilian life and being the “Camp Follower” to his wife. He had secured a job as a civil servant but was not happy in the role he was employed in. The couple had two children aged eight and six and SU was struggling to sustain her operational capability due to her husband telling her that he would not babysit their children while she went away. Former SP did not get on with SU’s family and would make an issue about spending time with them, making it difficult for her to arrange to visit or for them to help with childcare. He was also mistrusting of her colleague relationships and was constantly accusing her of having affairs with them. This led to her not socialising with her colleagues and being ostracised from the team. Over the years, there had been physical abuse which was explained as trying to calm the SU down. This included a broken rib, caused by the former SP hugging the SU too tight in order to “calm her down”. The police had been called several times, but each time had put it down to a domestic and the SU had not pressed charges, so the calls did not go anywhere. As the children were in the house each time, a referral was made to Children’s services but due to it not meeting threshold, no further action was taken. SU was offered support along the way but felt that there was a sense of embarrassment about people knowing her business and felt that she should be able to sort out the situation herself. She was operating as a de facto single parent as she learnt as soon as she had children that she could not rely on her husband to co-parent with her. Eventually, after several years of abuse and coercive control, there was a call to the police which ended in the former SP being arrested and spending the night in a cell. He was advised not to return home and the police said that they had enough evidence to press charges even if the SU withdrew charges. At this time, the SU engaged with welfare services and the turning point for her was when her worker asked her if she could imagine a life on her own after this was all finished. This made the SU realise that she was having every aspect of her life controlled by her husband and there had to be a better life ahead for her, despite the difficult situation she currently found herself in. The case went to court and the SU was afforded screens in the court in order that she did not have to see her husband. Initially he pleaded not guilty but once the case started and the SU attended the court to give evidence, the former SP changed his plea to guilty and he received a suspended sentence for two years. He was also directed to attend a DA perpetrators course in the local area to address his behaviour.https://forum.royalnavy.mod.uk/topics/health-and-wellbeing/domestic-abuse/b/announcements/posts/domestic-abuse---a-survivors-story-coercive-controllingMon, 06 Dec 2021 18:19:00 GMTb28a645c-0ea2-4600-866f-e043a0fddeae:551d3883-235f-447b-b5e5-42b1c019460fRN FPS HQThe 16 days of action campaign team have been supported by real survivors of domestic abuse from within Defence to help spread awareness that this is something that affects our people, and to champion their voices in sharing their experiences so that people can understand through this first-hand insight. This story focuses on the non-physical side of abuse and captures much of what is meant by these less talked about, but no less serious, aspects of perpetrator behaviour. In January 2020 I finally put an end to my abusive marriage and left my husband. Over the 7 years we were together I had been alienated from friends and family, emotionally manipulated through suicide threats, blackmailed with removal from our children, controlled by finances and threatened with violence. On 3 occasions the threat of violence had materialised into physical acts, each incident with his own excuse which shifted the blame to me. My ex had complete control of my life. He had set up cameras outside the house, so that he could watch my activities when he was working away, he told me lies about my family so we stopped seeing them so much and I had been told numerous times that I was 'too thick' to manages finances so I needed to stay with him and given a strict budget to follow for feeding our family. I had to justify every penny I spent whilst he went out drinking and socialising with friends. He even took out a credit card in my name without my knowledge and put me £2,000 in debt. My days were spent tip toeing around him so as not to spark a hostile encounter. His happiness had to be prioritised over my own, and if I expressed that I was upset and wanted to leave the marriage, he would take my phone away from me so that I could not call my family for help and he would often threaten suicide. on numerous occasions when I threatened to leave, he would take the kids and disappear with them until I begged him to come home. I was so unhappy that my sex drive completely disappeared, I was regularly coerced into sexual acts because it was 'my job' to satisfy him and that if I didn't he would use somebody else, my many 'no's and requests to stop were very often ignored. He was most likely to try to pressure me first thing in the morning, so I started leaving for work before he woke up, returning as late as I could and not going to bed until an hour after him, so that he was asleep. When I left the marriage, he made good on his promise to remove the children from my care. He ran off with the children and served me with a non-molestation order that had been gained by lying to the courts. The months that followed were a blur. I had to leave the family home so that he could return with the children to get them back to school, leaving me homeless with no regular access to my much-loved children. As the court proceedings started for the child arrangements order I eventually found somewhere to rent and reached out to the National Centre for Domestic Violence who referred me to my local specialists; New Era. My ex had been 'love bombing' me and begging me to come back. He had placed a tracker app on our son's phone and a tracker on my car to find out where I lived and had showed up without invitation. New Era supported me in raising complaints with the police which lead to my ex being arrested for coercive control in a relationship and stalking. The case is still ongoing, but since then there have been fewer incidents. Over the last 2 years I have had some truly dark days; fighting in court, wading through the false accusations that he threw at me and learning how to run my own life again, but I often feel unworthy of the title 'survivor' due to the lack of bruises. Its only with reflection that I see the progress I have made over the last 2 years, and continue to make every day; I run my own home, my children are protected from further harm through a court order, I don't live my life in fear and most importantly I am safe. Domestic abuse does not always leave obvious physical scars, but it always leaves emotional scars.controllingcoerciveabuseDomestic Abusedomestichttps://forum.royalnavy.mod.uk/topics/health-and-wellbeing/domestic-abuse/b/announcements/posts/da16doaMon, 06 Dec 2021 08:05:00 GMTb28a645c-0ea2-4600-866f-e043a0fddeae:3860c10b-48d9-4534-8496-f7cf61058f34RN FPS HQA series of posters have been published by the MOD to support their 16 Days of Action and to highlight the following: What is Domestic Violence? Who is effected by Domestic Violence? How large is the issue of Domestic Violence? What is emotional abuse? The role of family and friends. What is financial abuse? Help is out there. Bystander intervention Line Managers The impact of domestic violence on health. The cost of domestic violence to the public sector. The impact to children. Domestic violence and the minority community. What is Public Health England doing to combat domestic violence? Although completed for the MOD, the content is relevant to our Service Community.Domestic Abuse